Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
