omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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