4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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