Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
we should paint friendship bongs
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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