Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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