Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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