I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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