my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
