Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Be still, my beating vagina.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
