A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
