the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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