Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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