i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
