i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
