Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
