Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
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You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
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I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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