bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
