pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
