I got chris browned last night
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
