never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
