the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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