bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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