mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
