I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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