what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
