and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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