Three words: puerto rican gang bang
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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