someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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