"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
