I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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