Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
