Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
