My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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