ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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