I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
