Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
