I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
