it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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