He is such a slut. More and more my type.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
