It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
