If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
