just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
