You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
