Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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