the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
