Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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