my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
