We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
