Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
