Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
