i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
