he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
