Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
