I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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