My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
