Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
