So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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