we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
