I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
