im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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