My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
